Remnant pregnancy
by Enide Dear
Summary: It started when Loz found an encycolpedia, and then quickly went downhill


Title: Remnantpreg

Author: Enide Dear

Pairing: Remnants (d'oh)

Rating: cute

Summary: I will never write MPREG, so this is my chance to play with the concept

Author's note: I *hate* my new keyboard damn it! (Yep, random…)

Their latest hideout had a bookshelf with an old, dusty encyclopedia, the letters M, U, and Z missing, the edges of the books damaged by mildew and moisture. It had seemed innocent enough, and Kadaj had figured they could always burn them if they needed warmth. After all, it was just books, so how much trouble could they cause?

That was before Loz discovered there were pictures in them. Intrigued and amused he had skimmed through the books, occasionally pausing at some colorful doodles. Kadaj and Yazoo had shrugged and let him. After all, it was a lot more quiet and peaceful in the hideout when Loz wasn't bored and it gave them some time to spend on plotting their next move.

"I'm almost certain ShinRa knows something." Kadaj looked down at the stolen documents. "If nothing else it's our best shot so far."

"He is the most powerful man in the world," Yazoo agreed. "It seems unlikely that he should know nothing."

They were both interrupted as Loz gasped loudly for breath. The eldest brother had reached P and was staring down at the pages, his face flustered. He glanced up at his curious brothers, down at the page, and then up again.

Then, to their utter surprise, Loz actually sat down and started to read. Yazoo's jaw dropped and Kadaj's eyebrows almost touched his hairline; it wasn't that Loz couldn't read, it was just that seeing him do so voluntarily with a text longer than 'this way to Midgard' or 'open lube here' was something new. And slightly scary. It wasn't helped by the way he glanced up every now and then to give Kadaj an odd look, part shock and part pride.

Then, suddenly, Loz slammed the book shut and ran out of the hideout, the book still under his arm. Kadaj and Yazoo could only gape after his disappearing back and the sound of a motorcycle speeding away.

"What was that about?" Yazoo asked; this was very far from Loz usual behavior.

"I…have no idea." Kadaj confessed. Through the emotional bond they all shared they could feel Loz elevation and a slight ting of fear, but that didn't tell them anything. "He'll be back." Kadaj shrugged and put their oddly behaving brother out of mind.

About an hour later Loz returned, carrying one big brown bag which he put down carefully on the kitchen table, and one small plastic pharmacy bag. He looked very flustered and nervous as he fiddled with the bag in front of his brothers' stares.

"Kadaj…" Loz hesitated but pressed on. "Would you please do something for me?"

"What, Loz? What's wrong?" Kadaj felt almost a bit uncomfortable under his brother's intent gaze.

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong. Not wrong at all. In any way. I just…would you please, please, please pee on this for me?" He held out a plastic stick.

"What?!" Kadaj snatched the stick. "This is a pregnancy test, you moron!"

"Oh, my." Yazoo mumbled amused. "He's really lost it this time."

"I know, I know." Loz held up his hands in a placating gesture before his annoyed youngest brother. "But, you know, we've fucked lots of time so…just…please?"

Kadaj rubbed his temples.

"Loz, we're males. We don't get pregnant, no matter how much sex we have."

"But that's only true for humans, right? We're different. Better. We're whatever Mother wants us to be, right? That's what you said."

"Yes, but not…"

"And what if this is how Mother wants us to bring Him back? I mean, if you are his vessel, well, why not this way? He'd be like our little brother then!"

"Actually, he makes quite a logical point," Yazoo tried hard not to laugh. "You know, if you ignore the insanity of it all."

"Shut up, Yazoo, you are not helping!" Kadaj snapped.

"See? I've been reading." Loz held out the book. "And I really think you ought to test yourself, because it says here you can get mood swings and, well, you know.. ."

Kadaj felt his face flush with anger; next to him Yazoo tried to laugh without actually making any sounds.

"And it says your breasts can get tender, and you walloped me last night when I was nibbling your nipples…"

"Because you bit too hard!"

"When was the last time you had your mens-tru-ation period?"

"I've never had one!"

"So it has stopped?"

"Yes! I mean, no! I mean you are not making sense!"

"….and I think your belly has gotten rounder…"

"Now you are calling me fat? You are saying I'm a fat, emotional female?!"

"You are not fat, you are motherly!"

"Argh!" Kadaj tore at his hair. "Loz, you are being even more daft than usual. I'm *not* a female! I don't have a vagina or a uterus! How did you expect the child to get out?"

"Umm…" Loz blushed. "The same way it got in?"

Yazoo almost fell of the chair with silent giggles but before Kadaj could decide wish of his brothers to throw himself over and strangle, Loz grabbed the brown paper bag.

"Look," he said a bit desperately, "If you are pregnant, and if you are to give birth to our little big brother, it's really important that you take care of yourself and that you eat properly and get lots of sleep and so on."

"I'm not carrying Sephiroth in my ass…non-existing womb! That's now how the Reunion is going to work!" Kadaj screamed, but there really were no stopping Loz once he'd gotten an idea firmly lodged in his brain.

"So I got you these." He started to unload the bag and Kadaj's mouth snapped shut. "Lots of fresh fruit, because it's important with vitamins, and milk for little big brother's bones, and fish, because I'm sure that was good for something, and chocolate to keep you happy…."

Kadaj stared at the abundance of food and Yazoo stopped laughing. For people who lived on dry meat and the occasional can of corn or tomatoes, this was a feast, no, more than a feast. This was better food than they'd seen all their lives.

Yazoo snapped out of it first.

"I'm pregnant," he said quickly, giving Kadaj a sweet smile.

Kadaj's gaze could have scorched the earth, but he quickly added:

"We're both pregnant. Um. We wanted it to be a surprise. One boy and one girl."

Loz looked like he would faint.

"I knocked you *both* up?!" he stammered.

"Seems like it." Yazoo reached for an orange, green eyes shining greedily.

"You must…I must…"Scooping up both his protesting brothers in his arms, Loz carried them into the living room and put them down on the couch; he found two blankets and gently but firmly tucked them in. "Stay here. Don't move. Eat this –" he put the fruit down between them. "You shouldn't have been running around and fighting and stuff! You could have been hurt! Now you just stay there, and I will take care of everything. Alright? I'll be in the kitchen making dinner, and you will just call me if you need anything. Understand? I'll take care of you."

Kadaj and Yazoo sniggered as Loz ran out in the kitchen again and started slamming with the pots. With quite a lot of enjoyment, Yazoo peeled his orange whiles Kadaj started plopping grapes into his mouth.

"So…how long do you think this will last?" Yazoo asked. The orange was really sweet.

Kadaj shrugged.

"You know Loz. Within a week he'll have found something else to occupy him. A cat or a computer game or some shiny piece of metal…so let's just enjoy this while it lasts."

"Agreed."


End file.
